Lost Boys: The Thirst

Released: 2010
Starring: Corey Feldman, Tanit Phoenix Copley, Casey B. Dolen, Jamison Newlander
Director: Dario Piana
Distributed by: Warner Premiere
Rated: R (UK – 15)

“The Frog Brothers are back for blood.”

I love The Lost Boys.

However, my unwavering love for this movie was tested last time when we watched the 2008 sequel Lost Boys: The Tribe which was, to put it lightly, disappointing. After crawling through that two-hour mess of a film, I was hesitant to watch the third one. Although I had heard it was much better in comparison to The Tribe, I was skeptical. I’d been burned before. I didn’t want to risk another awful sequel just to find out that the franchise I’d been so hopeful for was a complete embarrassment.

That being said, I was comforted by the tagline and the front cover. The Frog Brothers obviously played a larger role in this movie than the last. Jamison Newlander (Alan Frog) had been slotted for The Tribe only to appear in a deleted scene that was cut at the last minute. Not confidence-inspiring, but here he was on the front of the box in all his glory. Corey Feldman, of course, was making his return as Edgar, and he looked too alluring in his red bandana and army fatigues to say no to.

As Jeffrey Boam introduced them in his original screenplay for Lost Boys they were tough little dudes in fatigues with cold eyes — victims of too many Chuck Norris movies. I felt some of that original movie looking at the two of them posed back to back wielding swords on the front cover. Maybe there was hope for this sequel after all. I did a little ritual sacrifice in the name of Corey Haim in my kitchen, geared up in my Frog Brothers hunting jacket, prayed to the powers that be that they would make this worth my while, and set up on the couch with a beer for what I assumed was going to be a very rough hour and twenty-one minutes.

Luckily, I was wrong.

Lost Boys: The Thirst begins with a flashback of the Frog Brothers busting into the white house to save a politician from a blood-sucking senator. Unfortunately, something goes wrong in the process and Alan is turned into a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire. He runs away and we are left with a very sad and very dramatic Edgar who is now, presumably, all alone forever.

Sidenote: this first scene is actually a decent adaptation of the Frog Brothers’ comic book spin-off inspired by the original movie. Fans were apparently happy with it, as it follows the comic nearly scene by scene. The only difference is in the comics it’s a fantasy, in this movie it’s real.

The real story begins in present-day, circa 2010, with a very grumpy, very washed out Edgar Frog being evicted from his trailer. He’s desperately in need of some money, so he takes his comic book collection to the nearest comic store and tries to sell some of his collectibles including the infamous Batman #14. From the very first scene, we are treated to references from the original film, something The Tribe failed to even attempt. Batman #14 was the comic that Sam Emerson first spoke to the Frog Brothers about in Santa Carla when the characters were introduced. Edgar finds he can’t get rid of that book for ‘sentimental reasons’ and stares wistfully at its plastic-covered pages. He does this more than once throughout Lost Boys: The Thirst.

The comic book shop is also where we are introduced to Zoe – a nerdy girl with an interest in comics and the occult that seems like she’d be placed there as a love interest for Edgar except that his only love is killing creatures of the night. He displays a lack of social skills and heads back to his trailer.

He’s greeted there by a blatant rip off of Twilight Series writer Stephanie Meyer. Her name is Gwen Lieber and she’s a sexy vampire romance novelist whose brother has been taken hostage by real vampires at a rave. She tells him vampires are having raves all over and trying to turn everyone using a drug called ‘The Thirst’ which is really just vampire blood. I wonder aloud if this is just the entire movie of Blade from 1998. She wants Edgar to get him back by killing the head vampire. The real head honcho. Nosferatu. The prince of darkness. The nightcrawler. The bloodsucker. El vampiro. Edgar says he’s not interested, but the audience can totally tell he is.

After she leaves, Edgar goes to a seemingly abandoned warehouse that is eerily lit, leaking smoke, and full of deer carcasses. It turns out that this is Alan’s house and that he’s still around. The brothers have a fight – Edgar demanding that they go and look for the head vampire to try to save Alan who is, apparently, still a half-vampire – and Alan vamps out, literally breaking my heart into a thousand pieces. As I’m weeping on my couch, Edgar storms out of the house.

The story itself is not bad at all. As far as B horror films go, I’ve seen ones that are much less fun and much less engaging. Some highlights are as follows:

Edgar’s former-politician friend that he saved now dedicates his time to making hilariously complicated vampire-killing weapons. He’s like Q from the Bond films, except most of the weapons are full of water and garlic. Edgar has a semi-automatic water balloon launcher that he calls “old reliable”.
Occasionally, Edgar has flashbacks of Sam where scenes from the first film are pasted in as a weird dream sequence. I love seeing the juxtaposition of Edgar and Allen as babies and then all grown up. There are also a lot of references to the original characters. Edgar confirms that Michael and Star are still together and that Laddie – no longer a vampire – has a family now. He also confirms Sam is out of the picture, saying he “did what he had to do” in reference to the final scene of the second movie.
Gwen Lieber hires someone to help Edgar kill the head vampire. He’s a Bear Grylls type guy who doesn’t believe in vampires and who is more concerned about his cameraman getting the perfect shot than anything else. He’s a pretty boy with perfect hair. He’s a womanizer. He calls Edgar ‘Toad’ and gives him a bear hug. It is hilarious.
The vampires in this film are actually scary. They are two-dimensional characters, but they are good villains. They follow their kidnapping plot throughout the film and at the end, there’s even a decent plot twist!
Gwen Lieber tries to seduce Edgar by blatantly changing in front of him, hugging him, flaunting herself in a bikini, etc. Edgar notices nothing because his only concern is monster-bashing.
There is a heartwarming Frog Brothers reunion scene. Death to all vampires! Maximum body count! They’re awesome monster bashers! The meanest! The baddest!
Edgar swaps out much unnecessary dialogue with grunting. I’ve taken to doing this in real life. It works great.
[ALERT! SPOILERS AHEAD!] This movie has one of my favourite kills in horror movie history. For those of you who recall my last review (or if you’ve seen The Tribe) you’ll remember that Edgar became a minister on the internet. That is not mentioned once in this film, nor does he do anything that would indicate that he is the Reverend Minister Edgar Frog – until the very end when he sprays a vampire with normal water from a leaking pipe and then blesses him which apparently turns all the water into holy water and the damn thing blows up. Hah.

Overall, Lost Boys: The Thirst is really fun. It has nothing to do with Lost Boys, but I think it would be appropriate to call it a decent Frog Brother spin-off. I laughed out loud at some parts, it was wonderful to see the brothers in action again, and, as always, Corey Feldman will never cease to entertain me no matter what he is doing.

If you are a fan of vampire movies, I’d say give Lost Boys: The Thirst a watch. If you are a hardcore Lost Boys fan, definitely watch it. The characters are silly, the references are well-placed, the kills are awesome, and there’s a decent twist at the end. I was expecting the absolute worst and I got a pleasant surprise. It is really similar to Blade though…

Check out our other reviews of the Lost Boys trilogy!

The Lost Boys
Lost Boys: The Tribe

Rating:

Fool on the Hill:

I know Lost Boys: The Thirst won’t be for everyone, but it’s a good watch for horror fans. Give it a chance and expect a movie that definitely doesn’t take itself too seriously, starring a man who definitely does take himself too seriously.

Jack Savage:

I was pleasantly surprised by Lost Boys: The Thirst. While not the level of a big-budget film, the production quality is actually quite good for a direct to video release. The story and characters were all engaging. I think that removing or toning down some of the social commentary comedy (the over-the-top, reality show, pseudo-Bear Grylls character particularly pulled me out of the film when he was on screen), but other than that, a decent film. If you like more action and less horror in your vampire films you might like Lost Boys: The Thirst.