Film Review | Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things

Released: 1972
Starring: Alan Ormsby, Valerie Mamches, Jeff Gillen, Anya Ormsby, Paul Cronin, Jane Daly, Roy Engleman, Robert Philip, Seth Sklarey
Directed by: Bob Clark
Distributed by: Geneni Film Distributors

“You’re Invited To Orville’s “Coming-Out” Party. It’ll Be A Scream…YOURS!!!”

Alan, the director of a small theater group, takes his troupe to a small island off the coast of Miami for an overnight party. This island is mainly used as a cemetery. Alan is a cruel director who constantly spits venom at his actors (whom he calls his children). Besides belittling his actors and pulling pranks on them, he has planned to perform an ancient ritual to Satan and raise the dead in the cemetery to serve him. Does he become a zombie lord or is this all just a performance for a limited audience?

I have put off watching Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things because it seemed like another of many low budget zombie films and would bore me quickly. I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. There are some really good aspects to this film that really make it unique in a genre that seems to have been overfilled with movies. Character development, make-up effects, and full use of a small setting make this a solid watch for a low budget movie.

Alan (Alan Ormsby; Deranged: Confessions of a Necrophile, Dead of Night) is both the film’s antagonist and main character. His character is a stereotypical theater actor with an ego that surpasses his abilities. He uses his power to fire the actors as a means to manipulate them. It is uncommon for the lead of a movie to be such an off-putting character without a moment of redemption before the end of the film, but Alan does not seek nor achieve redemption by the time the credits roll. A truly despicable and reprehensible character, he may have even become slightly insane at one point in the movie. Alan Ormsby portrays all of this very well and by the end of the movie, you have no sympathy for his character.

The supporting cast has a few standouts. Anya (Anya Ormsby) as an eccentric actress who seems to be experiencing either a psychic link to the dead or suffering from PTSD and Val (Valerie Mamches) who plays the foil to Alan’s posturing over his “children”. They both get a good amount of screen time and each have strong moments when the camera is wholly focused on them. The rest of the cast is regrettably forgettable except for one or two moments for each character.

You may have noticed in an earlier paragraph that Alan is both the actor’s and character’s name. This is the same for all the rest of the cast with the exception of Emerson (Robert Philip). Whether this is intended as an inside joke (actors playing actors), or Alan Ormsby just didn’t feel like coming up with character names, I don’t know. Just an interesting little piece of trivia and an explanation of my poor descriptive writing as I navigate whether I am talking about the actor or the character. Anyway, back to the review!

The makeup effects for Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things have to be given a nod. Much is done with very little budget. The zombies look rotting and in some cases memorably horrific (looking at you Winns Zombie, albeit in a bit of disgust). The weakest makeup (although not necessarily bad) is on the main zombie, Orville (Seth Sklarey), who seems to be wearing the least amount of latex or whatever they used. Even Emerson and Roy’s makeup is closer to the rest of the zombies than Orville’s is.

Lighting is bad in this film, even for a low budget movie. There are scenes that are nearly black when the characters are outdoors. I understand it is supposed to be nighttime, but if I can’t see what is happening on the screen without squinting, then you haven’t lit the set properly. The indoor shots are ok. You can at least see what is happening, but even those are full of lighting mishaps. The lighting combined with film and camera quality does make Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things hard to watch. There is a Blu-ray version that is a bit more improved, but I don’t know how much of a difference it makes since I used the DVD version for this review.

Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things is a mixed bag of horror, comedy, and strangeness. It is a little dialogue heavy and the actual walking zombies don’t show up until ¾ of the movie is over, but it does have some good ideas and is a little different for the genre. I am probably willing to give it some leeway due to it being low budget. If this was released from a big-budget producer, then my review would not be so kind. I can see why it has become a cult film since its release and it definitely deserves that ranking. If you are looking for a good bad movie to watch, then Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things would fill that criteria. So set aside your Grimoire, sit down in the comfort of your couch, enjoy the film, and save me some popcorn!

Rating:

Jack Savage:

While this movie has some fun and unique aspects, it is a hard watch for one that is not used to low-budget, low-quality films, and having a main character that is designed to alienate the audience makes it even harder. If you are a zombie movie or cult film aficionado, then check it out, otherwise you won’t be sad to pass this one up.